Some People Aren’t Worth Keeping … or Aren’t They?

You’ve heard me say it before—words matter.

And I’m having a hard time shaking these particular words spoken by a leader about people who had been on the team:

“Some people aren’t worth keeping.”

It was a long while ago, yet somehow these words still sit heavy. I am people. Friends that I know and love are people. You are people.

Living, breathing, feeling people.

At the time, there were a lot of not-so-great things happening in that ministry—a lot of assumptions being made, a lot of conversations about people instead of with people. The trouble with that is, when we don’t have these conversations, we tend to fill in the gaps ourselves. And we usually miss something.

We fail to engage people with curiosity. We refuse to ask questions or have hard, uncomfortable conversations. So people are misunderstood. Misrepresented. Disregarded. Labeled.

And why?

Because we hold onto misguided ideas like: Some people aren’t worth keeping.

What’s the problem with this mentality?

The truth is, we say things like this when we don’t know what to do with people in hard and confusing moments. I’ve been guilty of it myself. We shrug our shoulders, wash our hands, and move along because someone else feels more “deserving” of our efforts and energy.

It’s often how we deal with our own pain, discomfort, and disappointment. But it’s not healthy.

[Side Note: Real life is nuanced and complicated. Relationships and leadership are nuanced and complicated.]

I know we can’t chase every person down who wants to leave. There are loads of books and teaching about letting people go. And yes, there is truth in that—not everyone gets a seat at the table. Not everyone is supposed to stay.

But there are also times when people need to see that you—the person entrusted to lead—will fight for them and with them, rather than quickly dismiss and discard them.

Not just the superstars. Not just the ones who make leadership easy. Every person you have the privilege of leading.

People are not disposable. Here’s the thing: people are not a means to an end.

They are not tools to be used for their gifts and then discarded when they no longer serve your interests. They are not meant to be overlooked because they don’t fit your vibe or avatar. (By the way, that’s gross.)

The kingdom of God doesn’t have a vibe or avatar.

People are living, breathing, feeling beings.

People need to be seen and heard, loved and cared for, and understood.

Yes, people will come and go for valid reasons. Seasons change. Assignments shift. Not everyone stays forever.

But that doesn’t mean it should ever be as easy as “some people aren’t worth keeping.” Those kinds of words have a devastating effect on people. Those kinds of words hurt. They leave scars.

There’s a better way to lead. So, can I encourage you, challenge you, even?

Fight for people. Do the hard work of understanding and knowing people.

Because it matters.

People. Matter. Read that again, and let that sink in.

Besides, what if the people we’re tempted to discard are the very ones we’re called to fight for?

We are called to love them and love them well—even the ones that aren’t worth keeping.

Yeah. What if we did that?