{Undivided Heart and Honesty}

Honesty. It's essential. We all know that. In this week of study, honesty is a prerequisite to humility and intimate relationship with God.

I'm not sure I realized how easy dishonesty is for us. With others, with ourselves, with God. See, dishonesty isn't just about telling a blatant lie. It can be about concealment, covering up, leaving out various details about ourselves or a situation, or failing to take personal responsibility in a situation or circumstance. You know, being silent instead of speaking up. I've had much to confess to God over these last few weeks.

I think sometimes we're honest about our shortcomings and character flaws, but we stop short of actually acknowledging, when necessary, those things as sin and dealing accordingly through confession and repentance. Instead, we say things like, "No one is perfect. We are all sinners. I'm just authentic and real." And, yes, we are all sinners, and none of us are perfect, but in failing to deal with our sin honestly, we sabotage our efforts at authenticity and realness. We must learn to acknowledge the truth about ourselves and our sin lest our hearts be hardened, and the Holy Spirit grieved. Scripture tells us, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us." (1 John 1:8)

For me, my prayers had become a bit lop-sided lacking confession and repentance. I don't make a habit of keeping a running list of all the ways I mess up in a day. That's not what I'm saying. But, what I do want to do is make an intentional effort to ask the Lord to reveal hidden sin in my life. And I also want to listen actively for and respond more quickly to the Holy Spirit as He convicts me. Because intimacy with God is what my soul craves, I don't want anything in my life to unnecessarily create barriers or limit my closeness to Him. I want Him to clean out everything that doesn't belong, anything that offends Him so that He has free reign in my heart. My undivided, completely yielded to Him, heart. This week, I had to ask myself: Do I trust Him enough to do that? Because here's the thing: Honesty requires vulnerability. When I willingly lay bare the vulnerable places of my heart before the Father, I am demonstrating my trust in Him. He, in turn, shows His unfailing love and faithfulness, His grace and mercy.  It's a beautiful, wonderful thing.

And, yes, I do trust Him. God is trustworthy.

May we never miss an opportunity to be vulnerable and honest at the feet of our Savior. May I encourage you in that today, sweet friends? God doesn't deal with us harshly, as our sins deserve, because, Jesus.

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{Undivided Heart and Humility}

I held my new Bible study workbook under my nose and let the pages fan open and then shut while I breathed in a deep breath. The new book smell is my favorite. My anticipation for this study was off the charts. I settled into my favorite spot with a cup of coffee, my Bible, the workbook, my favorite ink pens, and a brand new notebook spread out on the floor around me.

See, for quite some time now, I've been asking the Lord to rekindle a fire in my heart. My prayers have been raw and full of frustration and sometimes forced. Do you know what I mean? It's been a "What in the world is going on? Where are you!?" kind of season in prayer. The timing of this study isn't an accident. So, yes, I was anxious to dig in after the intro. I flipped my book open to Lesson 2: Humility.

While humility has everything to with how we relate and engage our world, I had forgotten that it first starts with how I relate and engage with God. It's perspective. It's not just how you see yourself, though. It's how you see yourself in light of a holy, all-powerful, perfect God who created you, who loves you, and who sent Jesus to die to save you. Here's the thing: we can't see anything clearly until we clearly see Him and know Him. Until we realize the magnitude of His grandeur and majesty, until we are keenly aware of His perfect holiness, we will never have an accurate picture of anything else. That includes our self and our sin and our hell-bent inclination toward pride. When we don't have an accurate picture, we find ourselves underwhelmed by God rather than undone and overwhelmed.

Underwhelmed. By God. Um, just no. But that's what happens when we get wrapped up in self. Self-conscious. Self-reliant. Self-protective. Self-serving. Self-righteous. Before you know it, you're spiritually drowning in an ocean of pride, struggling to keep your head above water and breathe. Never mind trying to see clearly. I can't tell you how many times I closed my study book and walked away because I just couldn't process. It was a hard week of study. But, it's what I need, and God knows that.
 
Lean in for some real talk. It's important. We don't have the right to demand anything of the Lord. Not even the answers we desperately think we need. And this relationship that we've been invited to have with Jesus? It's a privilege, an honor. We are so very undeserving.

Humility isn't about self-deprecation. Humility says: I saw the Lord. I am nothing without Him. I desperately love Him. I realize my utter need for Him. Just, yes. When we see the Lord, He transforms our hearts and our lives. I'm praying still that God will rekindle a fire in me. I've added confession and repentance to that prayer, though. And, I'm praying it from a place of brokenness rather than frustration.

May I encourage you today? He is matchless in glory and beauty. May He continually open the eyes of our hearts and fill us with awe and wonder as He reveals Himself. And, may we be forever changed. He wants nothing more for us than to see Him clearly and know Him deeply.

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{The Hard Stuff}

Confession: I am brokenhearted. Desperate. Needy. I've been looking in the wrong place for the remedy, thinking if I can just wrap my words around what's happened in my church life over the last 18 months, I can help put it to bed. There's nothing I want more than to be free of it. It's like a terrible break-up. Do you know what I mean?  

It's like what happens when you watch a scary movie, and you get spooked. Then your house comes alive with eerie noises and shifty shadows that linger long after the show is over. The only fix when that happens to me is my favorite sitcom. I have to replace the old picture with a new one.

It's not that I'm sitting around feeling needy and brokenhearted all the time. That's not who I am. But, when something comes up that points backward, that's what bubbles up in my soul. Confession 2: I haven't fully and honestly dealt with it. Mostly because I still feel stunned when I recount some of it. Then disappointed. I opted for a move forward and never look back approach, which served me well in the immediate weeks following, but now the Lord is saying, "Hey, let's redeem that for good. Let me at your heart."  

 I'm three weeks into a new Bible study (it's called Seeking Him, if you're wondering), and it's abundantly clear: what I need is a revival. Renewal. Refreshing. How about you? How's your heart? How's your soul? How are you doing, for real? It's okay to fess up and own our imperfections. If I've learned anything at all, it's that I'm not the only person walking the planet with this kind of struggle. This is the hard stuff, and none of us are exempt.

Want to come along over next twelve weeks for some real talk, to process through some hard stuff? (Yay! A new blog series!) I'd love that. There's something beautiful that happens when we can come along side each other and say, "Hey, me too." So, what do you say?

I'm starting here:
Teach me Your way, Lord, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart that I may fear Your name. I will praise You, Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify Your name forever. For great is Your love toward me; You have delivered me from the depths of the grave.(Psalm 86:11-13)

That's what I want. An undivided heart.

Can I encourage you today, sweet friends? God is infinitely good and deeply concerned for your heart. Invite Him into the hard stuff. It becomes something beautiful when we put it into His hands.

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